Looking In

There's money in this business. There's definitely that. Is that it? Is it enough?
Not for some. It's obvious who's there for the drive, the excitement, the risks, the buzz of the deals. Their eyes are sharp, quick to focus. There's passion in their movements. They stand out like a sore thumb. Life is work, work is life, things are fast and quick and busybusybusy and meeting people goingplaces doingthings keepingfit goingout makingmoney spendingmoney keepitgoing don'tstopnow or you'll.. you'll burn out.

Then there's the slower, stressed ones. They're getting the good money, they can't leave at that age, but are snowed under, given too much, taken on too much, they are too responsible and they're looking at the clock and for them it can't go slow enough. While the others are wishing the hands round, they're wishing Time would wash itself away and they wouldn't have to keep one eye on the ever bursting Inbox because they'd finally get it all done, have a clean slate, be back on top, on track, no backlog, no stress.

They don't look happy. They have a good job though, and they're good at what they do, and at the end of the day they have a nice home to go to. There's no turning back now, too old, too much work done already, a mortgage, a family.. no going back now.

The rest, the most, nearly all: for them it's a trudge. A daily slog through facts, figures, bills, envelopes, phonecalls, politeness, smalltalk, clock watching, time passing.

Everyone jokes about it; the running dullness, the eternal wait for the weekend, holidays, alcohol, weekends, the next paycheque, alcohol, holidays. In the day there's the constant tea and coffee and chit chat. The evenings hold home and tv, food, partners, perhaps a warm summer's evening, a glass of wine, a pint or two, yet more tv.

They've got used to it. It's normal, so it's OK, it's not so bad - the ease of settling into it. It isn't actively offensive as a way of life. The jokes about things being miserable are just jokes, and there's no decision to be made as to whether to keep this life, because it doesn't appear as a choice. That's.. that's life. And with a shrug they move on. On to the latest gossip, and so often it's not even their gossip, it's celebrity gossip. Or the office bitching. What he's been up to with who, what she had for lunch, what she wore that day, how hard he hasn't been working.
Content. Are they content? I daren't ask. I think so, in a way.

So where am I? On the outside looking in?

For now. But I can see it, I can see how it becomes normal, how we sacrifice what we want for what will do. I'm not lazy, I'm not stupid, but it's still a risk. And I don't want to be one of the excited work-obsessed ones. I want to create something and make it successful, something I'm passionate about, not just the money, not just the thrill of business, but passion in something that gives me something back.

A dreamer - maybe, but don't take that away from me just yet.